I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dicks are not precious.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
