my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
