Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
