if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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