So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
