I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
