As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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