You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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