You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
