i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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