my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
