No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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