you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
