i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
