I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
