How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
