Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
