I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize