Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
