my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
