how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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