I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
