she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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