I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
