nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize