Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
