Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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