just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
