dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
