i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?