the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?