I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!