1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house