Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
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it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.