I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha