Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.