mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?