dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
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Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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