the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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