I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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