absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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