If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
