I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My dick has a subreddit
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
