Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
