Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
