I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
