I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
