I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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