Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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