I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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