Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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