Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
