a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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