This girl is more easily done than said...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
