Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Farmville is her only friend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
