Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
