omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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