She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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