If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
