So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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