I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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