you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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