the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize