I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
