Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
